Sure, I complain about being pregnant because that was a process that was not kind to me in any shape, form, or fashion. I also tell plenty of stories about how my child flat out refused to sleep and I nearly had a nervous breakdown at 7 months old from sheer exhaustion. But, I skip the birth. Why?
It was and still is the most traumatic experience of my life.
Parts of it can still get me riled up but, for the most part, I've come to terms with tLG's birth story. It's really hard to explain with words the way her birth affected me and it's nearly impossible for someone else to understand unless they have experienced a traumatic birth themselves. It took me a year before I could even begin to process what happened, much less talk about it. For 365 days, I looked at my perfect baby and felt that she was ruined. I was broken and she was imperfect because of it. Trust me, there ain't no crazy like first time mom crazy especially when trauma is involved. Back then, if you would have told me I would become a doula, passionate about all things pregnancy, birth, and babies, I would have laughed. And probably cried too. I cried a lot back then.
By the time tLG was four I couldn't get enough of learning about pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. It was healing in a way. During those years I had become the go-to person in my circle of friends, and even acquaintances, for advice on these topics. That's when I first thought about pursing doula certification. I started the process but, after reading the first chapter of the first book on the recommended list, I was emotional and furious all over again. I wasn't ready. Even though my traumatic birth experience was the spark that started this whole journey, I knew I couldn't be a good doula while still carrying my own baggage. A year later I was finally able to read through the books without getting enraged and mourning my birth experience. I completed my certification and started attending births with a fresh and open perspective. I felt free! FINALLY!
If you would have told me I would go to Africa on a mission trip and put those doula skills to use, again, I would have laughed. Hysterically, this time. I don't do foreign lands.
In the US, doulas follow a scope of practice that limits us to emotional and physical support only. Doulas do not perform medical tasks. When we recognize warning signs or are presented with medical questions, we give our clients resources and refer them back to their care provider to discuss their options and finalize their decision. I take my scope of practice very seriously but that has not prevented me from continuing my training and knowledge to gain additional skills. Birth is sometimes unpredictable. I like to be prepared. It's my darn type A personality. I've never had to use these skills and I don't advertise them but they are are a nice little tool to own. Just in case.
Fast forward to June 2014 and I hopped on a plane to Uganda, Africa. There, I'm not bound by scope of practice. As a certified doula, I have more training than most of their TBAs (traditional birth attendants). Not only was I teaching comfort measures on a daily basis but I was answering questions about pregnancy and birth. It took me a day or so to settle in and realize that even though I was prevented from answering such medical questions in the US, I may be the only "care provider" these women have ever seen and will ever see during this pregnancy. Any sound knowledge was better than none at all and certainly better than what they may hear from the local witchdoctor.
On some days I worked alongside a midwife, other days I worked alongside a nurse, but occasionally it was just me and a translator. Most of the questions and symptoms we encountered were mild and easily resolved but if a question was outside of my knowledge bank, I encouraged them to go to the clinic or hospital. I was also doing basic examinations including blood pressure, fundal height, fetal positioning, and heart tones. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to be able to put my skills and knowledge to use. I didn't have to tuck it away and hide it anymore. Not only that, but it was appreciated by the on-the-ground medical workers who needed reinforcements. In addition, we were welcomed by the village women who sometimes don't have access to medical care either because of transportation or financial reasons.
Several of my friends and family have said that seeing pictures of me in Uganda brought smiles to their faces and tears to their eyes. Even I look at these pictures and see the glow on my face. I was in my element and loving every second of it. I never in a million years would have guessed that measuring, palpating, and dopplering (ha!) bellies would be in my skill set and that I would enjoy doing it. I love talking pregnancy, birth, and babies to no end.
And now that I'm home, I'm wondering, what in the world is next? Clearly I'm no good at predicting where this passion is taking me. I guess I'll do what I've always done.... approach it with with a fresh and open perspective.
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